I fell sick a few days ago, and at the approach of the deadline too. I have had a ten pound weight strapped to my face, bedridden, a blaring headache making screens a pain to look at, and the sun scorching my eyes from the damn windows making things all the more infuriating. Despite this, I have two days remaining, and have just recieved an email from an employer I applied to stating 'while we appreciate your interest, we have decided to move forward with other candidates at this time--"
Thank you very much...
I have no idea if it is true. I see articles stating that there are more people unemployed than there are jobs to fill. I see people claiming they spend six months, seven months looking unsuccessfully for jobs. I see it on repeat, yet when I inform my parents that this is likely why it is taking so long, among other things, I'm told 'if they need employees, they'll hire you'. Yet, I have yet to be hired. Five months in, and I have yet to be hired. And now, only two days left. I have no money now, freelancing has not worked, only two days to obtain $50, find stable income, and then 11 months to procure a place of my own. How?
Lights are so bright. Noise is painful. People are terrifying. Yet I have tried to do what is asked of me, and all I get is, 'you're not trying hard enough'. Maybe I'm not. It's probably selfish of me to ask for praise. In my twenties, yet I'm asking for praise for such simple things. "I spoke to someone!" "I managed to create a project with someone!" "I went to the store at noon and shopped for almost an hour!" I want praise for such common things at my age? In reality, I must be a spoiled brat. In five months, I have not obtained a job. As my father said, finger pointed, scowling, "You're failing on purpose!"
I cannot speak to family about my feelings. I've been told to stop being sad, stop being angry, and any attempt to talk about mental health is shut down with silence. I go on and on about my interests at an infuriating rate, and it's understandable why no one wants to be around me if only for their own gain. At this point, I'm unsure how much I care.
Two days left.
Notes
- Two days left